Turning 30.

Turning 30 with a baby in your belly is different than turning 30 and being able to do shots, or enjoy a really nice, extravagant meal, or hop on a plane to New York or Chicago and really do the thing right.

If I wasn't pregnant, I probably would have spent the weekend before my 30th birthday in Chicago. But, the thing is, I've gotta save that money for going to Chicago when the wine can flow and when walking around a city all day doesn't require a 2-hour afternoon nap. When I do things, I really do them.

All that to say, I wasn't really that excited about my 30th because there's not much celebrating that can be done unless you really want to put your baby's health in jeopardy. And that's not my thing. So I was surprised how perfect it felt to have an intimate bonfire with 10 people who just enjoyed each other's company. It was the best birthday I've had in years...maybe ever. A great night with friends, and then another night at home with my Dan. Loads of messages and gifts that I didn't expect. A vintage picnic basket, a new dress, a new hat, a handmade mug, a shed, cards in the mail, and about two dozen text messages.

I felt loved and I felt full. I drank tea and my baby kicked like crazy and I laughed really hard. It was a great signal of things to come.

Baby Names That Have Been Thrown Out and Shot Down

Van Howard
Vaughn Howard
Mick Howard
Mack Howard
Frodo Howard
Indiana Howard
Gabe Howard
Jack Howard
Daniel Howard, Jr.
Alan Howard
Luke Howard
Glenn Howard




This is going to be a long ride.

Baby Store Fail No. 1

We finally dragged ourselves out to Babies R' Us to see about a crib and a stroller and other things, like baby carriers and bottles and stuffed animals. Daniel and I are not easily impressed by adorable baby bedding, but we are super eager to buy an expensive stroller that can easily push a baby through all sorts of terrain and coffee shops and city streets.

We quickly noticed that young couples like us were banding together. People were making friends in the aisles and offering unsolicited advice about which crib to choose. We tried to avoid them by leaving the crib section before they did, and making our way to the strollers. Unfortunately, they caught up to us right as I exclaimed, "Look, Dan! This one has cup holders for the parents. Sam and I could put our wine in here!" Then as a joke, I added, "Plus, it has a compartment for our cigarettes!" Daniel burst into a fit of giggles and then I started. We couldn't stop laughing.

One of the nice young couples tried to show us a really nice Graco stoller. It was nice, but it looked bulky and it reminded me of being boring. It's too late. We're sold on the $450 wine cups stroller.

The Dreams. Oh, the Dreams.

Crazy dreams are a pregnancy side effect I wasn’t aware of. Once I hit my second trimester, they started up. Every night it’s a new, intense story line.

In one, I left my life savings in cash in a diner by accident. In the journey to get it back, my brother found his friend being raped by Jeff Bridges’ son, so he crafted a bomb out of walnuts and string. His friend was Walter White’s daughter. It ended with Jeff Bridges and Walter White arguing about who was living a more adult life. Eric and I had to sneak out of the house because his walnut bomb caught a bedroom on fire.

A few nights ago, I dreamed that Daniel left me for a man. He was pretty nonchalant about it. Basically, he told me that he never enjoyed having doing it with me, but he just really wanted to make a marriage to a woman work. He thought maybe we could stay together as friends, but see other people. At one point, I asked him if he had slept with any men during our marriage. He said, “Of course. You should probably get tested.” I ended up with an apartment in Chicago, and he tried to sue me for part of the money I made selling the house. It was so realistic that I woke up in tears. 

In another dream, I had to break the news to Daniel’s ex-wife that we are expecting a baby. She was really nice about it, and then confessed to me that she has an eating disorder and asked what I thought she should do. I told her to get rid of all her clothes and start wearing sweatpants. I gently hinted that she should stop using cocaine. She told me she wished she could have a baby. I’m pretty sure none of this is rooted in truth.

Then there was the one where I was with all my good friends, about 12 of us, and we were trying to escape from some apocalyptic creatures. Maybe zombies, but we never saw them. We hid in my house for a while, and we were trying to get to a safer place. It was action-packed and intense. I woke up with a neck cramp from being so tense. 

Last night, I dreamed that I gunned down a really nice guy I went to college with. He was an assassin, and he was picking people off at a field party in Ohio. I laid next to a barn for a long time, waiting for him to feel secure, and then I shot him in the chest. It didn't kill him, though. He came after me, so I shot him in the leg.

There’s one, though, that might not be so crazy. It’s fall and our yard is really yellow. Lots of yellow leaves and flowers. I have a baby out there in a play pen, and I’m reading a book. Nothing significant happens, but I feel really happy. I know that after I put the baby to bed, a lot of people I love are coming to the house to hang out. And that’s it. I’m not sure if this is a hormonal dream. I’m hoping that it’s a premonition. 

Things I Like About Being Pregnant

1. Not having to feel that bad about gaining weight. 
2. Watching my body with wonder every morning as it completely transforms into that of an expectant mother. It happens subtly and then all at one time.
3. I’m not gonna lie: People are spoiling me.
4. Letting people do things for me, from cooking dinner, to cleaning the house, to painting the exterior trim.
5. Finally having an excuse to put down some real boundaries with people who exhaust me.
6. Reorganizing our entire house and purging tons of stuff that we don’t really need.
7. Really relishing in my last few months as a married couple with no kids. CALIFORNIACAMPINGTRIPWHATUP.
8. Talking to Daniel for hours about how we should handle politics, religion, body image, etc., with our kid.
9. Laughing at parenting books with my friends.
10. Feeling valid and strong as I take on tons of new work projects, even though my body is doing an incredible thing by growing a child. 
11. Feeling pretty darn hot. 
12. Healthiest hair of my life (thank you, prenatal vitamins)
13. Having a legitimate reason to wear stretch pants as often as possible.
14. Feeling touched when our friends get so excited about having a baby in the group. 
15. Asking my mom, like, 800 questions about babies. My fave so far: "So, you can just let a baby sleep in a nursery, right? Or does it have to be in our bed? The Internet said that sleeping in the nursery could result in SIDS.” She actually never responded to that email.
16. Needing my bestie to tell me what I need to register for because this adventure is complete uncharted territory for me. I really like the newness of it. Things were starting to get predictable.
17. Being surprised when I can run, do yoga, lift weights, or work in the yard. Seriously, women’s bodies are so bad ass.
18. Nesting. Which, for me, means looking up new rugs and baby mobiles for hours at a time. 
19. Giving in to cravings, like eating 2 apples a day and occasionally eating an entire personal pan pizza from Castrillos at 3 p.m. on a Friday. The pizza thing only happened once…so far. 
20. Eating Indian food for lunch on every pay day. Because I’m pregnant, and I deserve it. Speaking of which, someone come to Woodlands with me soon. Also, I get about 4 pay checks a month, so, I get to eat a lot of Indian food according to this rewards system.
21. Listening to my parents talk about things they’re going to do with/for their grandchild. So far: teach him/her the guitar and “spoil him (or her).” I’m not sure what the spoiling entails. Probs McDonald’s.
22. Having an excuse to let the dog on the furniture. Because “Banjo needs to cuddle.”
23. My skin looks pretty good. 
24. Making time to bake lots of breads and treats for the comfort that's in it. 
25. Y'all, I've been sleeping 8 hours a night. It's glorious.
26. I can nap like a bear at the drop of a hat. Any time. Day or night.
27. I'm so sassy all the time, and I'm getting away with it because "pregnancy sass".

More to come.

Offensive Things People Said to Me This Week:

Sadly, all of these things took place at work.

"You know, after your baby comes, it’ll be pretty rough. You’ll have all those hormones coursing through your body and you’ll get postpartum really bad. You might even regret ever having a baby. But eventually everything will even out and you’ll be happy again."

(In a meeting full of my colleagues)
Guy: Oh, man. Stand up, Megan.
Me: No. I don’t want to stand up.
Guy: Come on, stand up. We want to see you.
Me: Reluctantly stand up
Guy: You’ve really got a belly now!
Me: This is making me feel very uncomfortable.

Co-worker’s wife: How far along are you?
Me: About 18 weeks
Her: Have you started to get really constipated yet?
Me: No…

“So, are you ready to kiss your relationship with your husband goodbye?”

EFFFFFFFFF.

Things I've Done While Pregnant That You're Not Supposed to Do While Pregnant

Another list for me to look back on.

1. Googled "Am I having a miscarriage" every single day during the first 10 weeks of pregnancy. You will always think you are having a miscarriage if you google this.
2. Ate sushi about once a week for the first 18 weeks. Will probably continue this trend for the remainder of my pregnancy. 
3. Ate lots of lunch meat that was not heated up to 160 degrees. 
4. Did not exercise for 30 minutes a day, or practically ever, during the first 12 weeks. I was way too exhausted. 
5. Gained 6 pounds in my first trimester. Most women don't gain any weight during this period. I ate bread and crackers every day and it happened fast. 
6. Hiked to 8,000 feet elevation one day, and 9,000 feet elevation the next day during a vacation to California. 
7. Hot yoga a time or two. Or 5. 
8. Toasted with champagne at a wedding.
9. Ate a lot of soft cheese. 
10. Went trail running. 
11. Drank more than 8 ounces of coffee on two occasions. Actually, I'm kind of proud of this one, because that takes a lot of willpower every day!
12. Drank unpasteurized juice at a juice bar in my neighborhood.

Being pregnant in America is bizarre. In any other country in the world, no one would be so concerned about such things. The "threat of listeria" can't get me down.