Sh*t People Say to Pregnant Women: The Latest

Sadly, once again, almost all of these take place at one of the places where I work.

"Don't count on ever losing the baby weight. You should just manage your expectations now. That belly is probably here to stay."

(Seriously. I will cut you.)

"Man. It's like one day I walked in, and all of a sudden you just looked huge."

"Do you have stretch marks yet?"

"Hey, preggo. You want to have a quick meeting?"

(I just want people to call me by my name, because getting pregnant did not require a name change. I am not anyone else's mom, or momma, or preggo.)

Her: "Oh, you're using a midwife? You know, I just read an article about a baby who died during a water birth."
Me: "I'm not having a water birth. I'm having a hospital birth, but my midwife will deliver the baby unless I have a complication."
Her: "Oh. You'll want those pain meds."
Me: "Yeah, I can have pain meds if I want, too."
Her: "I thought you said you were using a midwife?"
Me: "I am. It's still a hospital birth. Nevermind..."

Her: "Here's a list of things they vaccinate your baby for once he's born. It's outrageous. Remember that you can refuse any of these."
Me: "Well, I talked to my doctor about it, and it seems okay to me..."
Her: "Oh, I'm sure your doctor pushed for them."
Me: "Well, she's actually a midwife. I really trust her."
Her: "Well, I guess it's up to you."
(OMG. YES. IT IS UP TO ME. ME AND MY HUSBAND.)

It Just Dawned on Me.

Having a kid is the bravest thing I've ever done. I'm here because my parents made a brave/stupid decision 30 years ago. And now I'm doing the same thing. I hope my son recognizes this someday.

Just You Wait/You Just Wait/Just Wait

Here’s a thing that annoys me about being around people who have kids: Every tantrum is an opportunity for veteran parents to tell childless people that their time will come, too. 

I mean, it’s true. My kid will throw tantrums and he’ll make messes, and it’ll probably really annoy me. But I really hope I’m not the kind of person who turns to a pregnant girl and says, “Just wait! This will be your life soon.” I’d prefer to be the kind of person who can tell expectant mothers and people who might want to have children one day that tantrums aren’t that common and that having a kid is a lot of fun.

“You just wait” also comes up in conversations about marriage, cloth diapering, working while mothering, and maintaining friendships. Mention that your girlfriends can’t wait for your baby to be born and a young mother is practically guaranteed to respond, “You just wait. It’ll be harder than you think.”

I think that’s probably true. It’ll be harder than I think to use cloth diapers. It’ll be harder than I think to keep up with my friends. It’ll be harder than I think to keep communicating well with my husband. Except sometimes I want to turn to these people and say, “You don’t know where I come from. My parents got more done before 10 a.m., on Saturday than you managed to accomplish in an entire weekend. Hell, maybe a whole week. I started my own business and it was harder than I thought. I bought my own house and it was harder than I thought. I paid my student loans off in 7 years and it was harder than I thought. But honestly—it wasn’t that bad.”

But I’m more of a nod and smile type. I agree with people while thinking to myself that they obnoxious. I leave and remind myself for the 1000th time that we get to make our own schedule and traditions and have our own outlook on parenting. We get to be flexible when things go off course. We get to respond to the frustrations of parenting however we choose. 

I’ve been told by a few trusted friends that your baby doesn’t get to make all the rules. That having an infant is way easier than they had expected. That strapping a kid onto your body and heading out to a bonfire is possible. I’m going with their version. I’m going the blue collar route. I’m going to trust myself and my ability to keep Making Things Happen, which always surprises and delights me. Just you wait.